New Year...New Goals

2012 came and went and I did not complete the goals that I set out to accomplish.  High expectations are something that I have for my students and for myself, yet I tend to cut myself so much slack that I don't hold myself accountable.  As an adult, I find it ridiculous, that I choose not to complete the tasks that I think will make me happy, but I also know that my physical space is limiting me and I did it to myself. 

Hoarders is on in the background as I am writing this, and I am sick to my stomach.  It is so hard for me to watch the show, yet I make myself watch.  I know what it takes to produce the show, how much prep work goes into getting all of the crew, port-a-potty, organizing boxes to the location, and the family to participate.  I see familiar faces every once in while and think about the camera men who are shooting the show (wondering if they're wearing their knee-high boots or not), and feel guilty for an hour straight (or two if I am watching on the DVR) while picking up my current mess.
I wish I felt different, but I'm not to that point yet. I thought I was going to be okay. I spent a lot of time and money in therapy after the visit, working with a personal organizer, unpacking the 100+ boxes that were left, donating and throwing out more "stuff" and I still failed.

I have made progress. I can go without shopping for weeks (and only visit the grocery store).  I have maintained my relationship with the boyfriend and we are very open about my on-going issues (we'll hit the 6 year mark at the end of this month).  I am good at my job and am a good teacher. I have accomplished plenty to be proud of, yet this "stuff" is my mountain that I need to move to get back to the normal that I want to live.

Being accountable is my goal for the year, which means I will be holding myself accountable using this blog.

Most people cannot relate to my problem with "stuff" and are quick to judge.  I judge myself enough as it is. I have a hard time understanding why, yet it is something that I have been around most of my life and live with.  Anxiety and money are huge pieces to this puzzle. It is what it is and this is where the "recovering" part comes into play.

More later this week...

A Little announcement...

       Pssst...I have an announcement!

Did I ever mention that I have a shop on amazon.com?
Probably not, because I've kept it quiet- same thing with my eBay shop.  I also have an Etsy shop too.  I use the money to contribute to the $525 monthly payments to my school loan debt- free money, in a sense, for things I already have and need to get rid of.
I probably haven't "advertised" my shops because I don't want to hear how appalled people (who I know and care about) are about the "stuff" I've held onto and didn't get rid of when my good friends, Hoarders, visited.
If you are appalled, keep your mouth quiet, and buy something!  It will make you feel better because you contributed to my therapy of getting these treasures out of my house!

Now that the boyfriend and I have hit the 5 year mark, I'll share my amazon.com shop, which is now 6 years old. The boyfriend is not available for sharing, so sorry.

http://www.amazon.com/shops.fritzandlola


Soon I'll figure out how to link back to old posts...you can read about the Hoarders experience in the first post on this blog.
 

trashogram

While searching for a fantastic picture of Box Tops to use on my school weebly.com site, I stumbled across a very vivid and bright photo, which also included scissors (be still my teacher heart). The photo came from a site that included a little blurb, but what really caught my attention was the title:
box tops for education [trashogram]! I thought the word trashogram was fabulous and there was a word cloud/ side bar full of de-hoarding words.  I was sucked into reading more about this author's blog and her "no-retail shopping" challenge.  

She had a tidbit about Hoarders  and why she was doing the challenge, what was even more interesting to me and practical (at this point in my life) was her new challenge:

Since you were asking...

Yes, I am a hoarder.  More specifically a recovering hoarder. Yes it is embarrassing, expensive, and inconvenient.  Yes, I've had a lot of help to get to this place in my life where I can actually admit that I am a hoarder, but most importantly I was finally able to ask for help (with a lot of help from the little sister).  The "asking for help" part took me 10 years.  After Kate submitted the application to Hoarders, I was at a huge loss and knew I was in deep- I just thought I was a collector, rather than a Hoarder.  I didn't have garbage and crap all over my house- I just had a lot of stuff.  I was making money dropping this "stuff" at the consignment store and selling books on-line, yet it didn't look like anything was leaving the house. 
Five months later, a clean up crew of 20 people (a professional organizer, the local 1-800 Junk crew, my parents, sister, and Eric), and 400 small boxes my house was emptied out.  I donated 2 tons of new and gently used items to be resold and another 2 tons of stuff to be recycled, or thrown out (these items couldn't be donated because they were broken or were considered "garbage").
It's been ten months since the Hoarders experience began.  I go to therapy weekly, have spent around 40 hours working with a personal organizer, and have made a lot of progress.  I've had more good days than bad ones.  Have had set backs and have had to make a lot of changes.  I still think about my "stuff", hope that it has a good home, yet I don't miss it. It's amazing how much life those items took away from me.
The new goal is to re-purpose the things that I did hold onto and/or get rid of them, continue to stay in the recovering hoarder category, and bust out my craft and art supplies.  I finally finished the 2nd bedroom to create my studio.  It's been a 3 year "work in progress".