Summer 2015

I've completed another school year, moved back to 3rd grade (after moving down to second) and still live in the house that I wanted to get rid of 2 years ago.  I had the best intentions of following through, but after reading my last post, I have some work to do.

So to get started, I've created an Instagram shop:  shop_cocoskitsch.








Shop Policies
*PayPay email and zip code wins!
*When you claim an item, you are making a virtual agreement to purchase the item.
*Backup emails are welcomed and encouraged.
*Please pay within 24 hours of receiving invoice.  Please contact me if you need more time- other arrangements can be made.
*I ship from Utah.
*Most items will include USPS delivery confirmation.

Moving on

Junk mail is an enemy of mine.  I do have a spot to put it, right inside the door, onto of a shoe rack/ table.  There's even s cute vintage metal basket for it.  The basket gets full, overflows, I get overwhelmed and leave. An outlet would be super- I could shred the junk right then and there.  A filing system for the papers that I should keep is a bit out of order is also something I could improve. I put the papers in files, and then I never look at them again. The round file has become my favorite. I'm trying to make a habit of making sure that all the junk mail is brought out weekly and that the true junk is in the trash/recycling the day if arrives.

I also hate taking out the trash and cleaning the litter box (lucky for me that it is spring and the cat loves going outside). So that would mean I hate doing chores.  I would much rather do the dishes and mow the lawn.  This is why the boyfriend and I need to live together.

I'm reached the point that I'm over my house.  I'm going to finish the projects I need to get done, put the good stuff in storage and sell it.  I like my craft room, tall ceilings, fenced in yard, and low heat, electric and air conditioning bills.  I long for a driveway, my own garbage cans, a garage and a space that the boyfriend would like/love to be at. 

The 6 year-old already offered up a place in her room for me and informed me that Grampy (my dad) would let me live at the house because I'm family. I'm not going to inform my dad of this until I make the final choice.  He still lives in the childhood home I grew up in and has tons of room.  The dog and cat would come along.

Now I just need to bust my butt and get this show on the road.

I'll be tracking the progress through pictures. Accomplishing this goal is a must.

Spring Clean- Paper Purge

I did a bit of spring cleaning this afternoon (after I went to get the dog her rawhide bones).

Coco loving her  new rawhide bone.

I purged paper.

Paper overwhelms me.

There's all the rules I'm supposed to follow about only handling it once, putting it down in the same place, leave time each day to deal with paperwork, blah, blah and I still can't get it right.

Paperwork is a big part of my job as a teacher- and my least favorite part of the job.
Then there is the paperwork at home.  Receipts pile up, random home related bills (that are no able to be done online), Rx and medical papers, tax related papers, car maintenance, HOA booklets and so on.
 
I also have a soft spot for stationary, cards, and craft/scrapbook paper. My favorite stores used to be office supplies stores.

I decided that it wouldn't kill me to throw out all of my receipts and old paperwork, idea sheets from craft stores,  Weight Watcher Weeklys, and school papers.  Now they can get recycled and I can deal with the consequences of not having them around (if there are any at all).

Anxiety of not having what I need is the root my problem.  I hate not being able to find the receipt when I need it and getting credit instead of my money back, but is it worth having the clutter?

2 bags down.
 

Spring into...cleaning

It's spring break and I wished it would last 2 weeks, rather than 1.  Taking care of and entertaining a 6 year-old and trying to get more clutter out of the house and a new sink installed is not ideal.
The kid loves going to the storage unit to get rid of stuff- she races with the dolly up and down the asphalt aisles.

I've continued to try to look up local stories or information on local hoarding groups and possibly a new therapist (talk therapy helped, but I knew the therapist's son, etc, etc) and would like to try a different approach.  Money is also an issue.  Insurance is super, but only covers 50%.

This article , from our local paper, in my opinion, is interesting, It was published last June. The woman created a local Meetup.com group, but has now stepped down as the organizer.  Nine other people signed up for it and met 40 times.  It's hard to go public with your issues, and my favorite line from the article is:

• "It's so hard for people to believe that we can't just change," she says. "Right now, all I'm hoping for is respectful curiosity."

I would have never had the courage to do this. Local media in my house would have been too hard. I've been home too long and know too many people.
I had a similar experience in college when the Campus TV knocked on my door (this was a brand new thing) and started recording while talking to me.  I was mortified because I had no idea what to do.  The not so funny part- my professors saw it while strolling through the student union. The funny part- they all thought it was a joke and asked who's room it really was.  I was super organized on the outside and was totally put together.

The cat and dog are thrilled to sun bathe daily on deck and I am pleased to see the sun past 6 pm.

www.bluntcard.com

Cluster....I mean Clutter

"Are things getting cluttered?''
"Are you feeling okay?"
These were the questions I was greeted with when I walked into work today.

Tired is how I feel. I also need to invest in some concealer to cover up the bags I've been sporting around.

My anxiety has once again hit hard and at an inconvenient time. This little anxiety disorder I have is one of the reasons why I don't wear a watch.
All I can think about is trying to find a day that I can take off to go to the dentist (after cancelling 2x) and the doctor to get my Rx's straightened out, without missing meetings at work and testing days for the kids.

I know my patterns. 
Overwhelmed = Clutter = Shutdown = Anxiety = Fail


I must look like hell.

How much stuff does one person need...

For one to be considered a hoarder, he/she has to have an abundance of "stuff".  It could be organized, piled up, strewn about, or taking over the house, but most of all it consumes the person it belongs to. It becomes a cancer that is very hard to treat and get under control.
After searching the internet for lists of what the "average" person has in his/her household, I found it difficult to come up with anything.

I have read multiple lists of what one needs for a new house- from furniture to cleaning supplies, articles connected to poverty and what essentials we need to survive, and this article on a blog called LifeHack.
The author of this particular article listed 3 reasons as to why he held on to his extra stuff he had:

• To avoid the discomfort of empty space 

• To meet the expectations of a social group

• Because procurement is enjoyable

Yep. I totally get it.

Sterile and minimal are two different feelings. My house was sterile.  I brought in things to the house that would warm it up. I have yet to put them up. I want a minimal and simple look, while functional at the same time.

My bedroom was empty after my Hoarders friends were here. My room was physically cold and I felt like I was guest in my own house.  It was a horrible feeling.  I ending up moving some furniture around and unloaded some boxes, and brought items back in that I was going to hang up. Those pictures are still on my desk waiting to be hung up. My clothes have crept out of my closet to be sorted through for consignment and give away- I just can't seem to get through it in a weekend. This is not normal.  I have a perfect picture in my head of what it should look like.  My room is not functional. It's the company I keep. I'm not ready for empty space.

The pictures that I have of the spaces in my head look perfect, seem realistic, yet are so out of reach. It may be due to my issue of perfection.  If it isn't going right, I quit.  It it doesn't look right, I find something else to do.  I'm so hyper-aware of this issue, that I don't like starting the project, but in the end there is failure right around the corner. I've gotten so used to things being done so-so to my liking, that I've lived with it. I'm craving to be "good" at something again, while enjoying it.  Failure is not socially acceptable, nor is it what others expect from me.  It's horrible to disappoint people who love you, but those who look up to you.

I envy people who can clean their house in 2-4 hours.  I have no idea what that reality is- I've never experienced that as an adult in my personal living space. 
My grandma would kill me (if she weren't already dead) if she knew about my situation and the TV show.  I struggled as kid to clean my room and had a mini-intervention in 6th grade.  Dona bagged up everything that was on the carpet and brought everything to her garage and I had to earn the items back. This included my clothing. To top if off I received a City Dump laundry bag after. From middle school through high school my room stayed cleaned and I developed some OCD tendencies. It was one of the things I could control. Junior and senior year in college I started having "organization" issues and found the procurement of items enjoyable.  It soothed the depression I was dealing with, yet it seemed okay because I was "planning" for being a teacher and living alone in an apartment.  Being prepared was essential in my mind. Preparedness = happiness.

Clearly I've been to therapy (a lot) and I know what my issues are.  What's worse is knowing you need to fix it having to repeat and repeat and repeat.


P.S. I still haven't found a suggested list of what one should own.

Not So Sweet Home

I've had the house for 5.9 years. I have a love/ hate relationship with it.
I love the air conditioning unit and the insulation that the ceiling has to keep my electricity bill low in the winter and summer months.
 I hate that I have yet to finish painting the upstairs (there is still green painters tape along the walls and ceiling) because I have yet to choose a color that I love.
I never eat at my kitchen table.  I can count the amount of times this has occurred on my hands over the past 5 years.  It is currently holding craft projects, cook books, place mats, napkins, and office supplies. It's a nice table.  I am fortunate enough that the boyfriend lives around the corner and I'm a fixture in his home and have my own key.
I also have some super pieces of furniture and they are hidden and unused.  Pathetic.  I kept my favorite pieces when I did the major clean out.
I have this picture in my head of what would be  "perfect" and it has yet to come to fruition.
I love the high ceiling upstairs and how the garden level basement stays cool and has full size windows.
Unfortunately the hates outweigh the loves.
I keep telling myself that if I finish the house and make it a home, I'll love it.
I have the tile for the bathrooms, the vanities, the kitchen cabinets, hardware, new stove and more.
Deep down inside I think it's because I know the boyfriend dislikes my house and it's not right for the 2 of us.
His house is a much better fit.
I also had a dog who lives here who likes to sleep in my bed. Retraining a rescue dog (who was left to die in a rolled up carpet) to sleep in a crate was unsuccessful when she came to me.
My house is lonely, which is why it's not "cute", and not yet a home.